hey there.
i was looking at a photo of us today that was taken back when we went to florida with our friends on vacation. you know how people say "if i knew then what i know now..."? well, i probably say that to myself at least once a week. i'm saying that now more often than usual because it's the holidays, i'm lonely and i miss you and what we used to have. it almost doesn't seem real that i had it so good with you. i think about if i'm just romanticizing what we had together, but i don't think that i am.
i miss you looking at me and smiling, and god, you had the best smile. you had the kind of smile that makes your eyes crinkle up, and it transformed your whole face into happiness. i loved it when you smiled at me. i miss your laugh, even the fake one that you used with your friends sometimes (and occasionally with me), because it was so subtle but i could still tell when it was fake.
i miss your red hair, the freckles on your back, and the hair on your chest. i miss your big strong hands that could perform the most minute tasks so easily. i miss spending time cooking with you, taking on projects in the kitchen and being spontaneous, and then eating the meal that we poured our energy into, with every bite appreciating the work that we put into it.
i miss that we had the same sense of humor and could laugh at the same things so easily. we could go see the worst movie, and the one scene that we would repeat with laughter for the next few months made paying that much for a ticket completely worth it.
i miss your attention to the smallest little details, how you'd come over to my house and find a stuck doorknob and would stop everything to fix it. and when i called for you to come over and kill a bug, you'd come running over to kill it for me without a second thought.
i miss that i didn't care if i had to drive almost an hour to get to you. i miss spending summer days at the park reading together. i miss reading stories to you and then discussing them at length. i miss helping you with your papers for school. i miss the way my mouth fit perfectly into the base of your neck. i miss how you smelled like aftershave and occasionally like cologne.
i miss all of these things but i know i can't have you back. someone else has you now, and pretty soon there will be a little one who has you as well.
you were my knight in shining armor. you completely swept me off of my feet and i didn't even notice it until it was too late.
